Plett April 2017 Hallelujah, It is back to school day. I cannot even tell you (do I need to explain?) how good it feels to have a quiet uncluttered house. Living with 8 other people (actually 10 cos my folks currently live in our flat) is not for the faint of heart. As most of you know - I LIKE quiet. And wide open spaces. And did I mention QUIET? clearly a moment when i was not quite camera ready :-) These holidays were a great success but by Saturday I had just had enough - I unravelled completely and went off like a stark-raving banshee. It was extremely unpleasant; I tried to reason with myself but alas, I was powerless against the tide. The introvert came out like a demon demanding that everyone sod off and that everything needed to just STOP for a moment. I have to say that Kev is very good at creating space for me but even he came under wicked fire --- totally blamed him for my insane state. [that is a completely different post....remind me!]
It's our first blended family holiday. We are driving down towards a beautiful sheltered part of the coast - a beach I know well. I have been there a few times before. The sun is shining strongly; there is a welcoming blanket of warmth in the air. Out of nowhere a soft rain begins to fall upon the windscreen of the car. My chest tightens. My breathing becomes shallower and I immediately turn my face toward my window. The tears are upon me. This is forever going to be my life. Bright sunshiny days full of hope and happiness and warmth. But the rain will come.
Easter 2017. I was still recovering from my Saturday night meltdown but Kev and his crew were at their family for Easter lunch. We were obviously invited but I just wasnt feeling it. NO MORE SOCIALS please. My tribe and I embraced the time together - chilled on our big grey couch - watching Survivor. It felt so comfortable. So familiar. In that moment of comfort and familiarity a deep, resounding sadness shook my soul. Easter was always in Mcgregor with Russ. Hunts in the big beautiful garden. Now there is no Mcgregor house and no Russ. The loss took my breath away. But I was able to hold it quietly. I was able to get up, walk outside, take a deep breath and set up a silly little hunt for my kids. It wasn't the best day but it wasn't the worst.
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