Do Not Fix

Another Mothers Day come and gone.

I still remember last year like it was yesterday. It was horrific.

This year I put so many "plans in place" to try and manage the horror.

I cannot spell it out for you. It would be a complete waste of time. All I can say is take a moment and get your head around kids trying to celebrate their mom for all she is while the other 3 kids mourn afresh the loss of their own mother.

No one knows how to act. No one knows what to say. I am stuck in the middle. We tried to navigate in all kinds of creative ways - bringing in extended family and a few more meaningless, grasping attempts.

I will never do Mothers day as a group event ever again. Nor will I attempt Fathers day. It's all a total broken mess.

Bizarrely I am comfortable in the broken mess. My discomfort and rage stems from when others try to 'fix the mess' as it causes them too much discomfort.

This mess is unfixable. And that is okay. I just need everyone to grow comfortable in this realisation.

Until then I will have to fight tooth and nail to just stay put and not run screaming for the hills; kids and dogs in tow.


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